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Surviving An Affair

Posted on 08. Dec, 2009 by Maxwell J. Lazzar in Relationships

While many extramarital affairs end up in court houses and eventually in divorce, there are couples who still prefer to work things out, together. Forgiving your spouse is not easy; most of the time, it takes time and too much emotional stress to even get to the point of acceptance, but not necessary forgiveness. Surviving an affair may even result to nothing. But, those who survived the lengthy and painful process of surviving an affair provide good lessons to those who are just beginning to heal the wounds.

1. Assure your partner that you will no longer do it again. Yes, this is the first thing you have to do. Take note that your partner has a lot of doubts on you, so if you want everything fixed, everything must be stopped from meeting, sex, dinner, phone calls, emails, to texting. Cut all the lines, period.

2. Be patient, healing takes time. There is no shortcut to heal the pain and receive forgiveness right away. Your partner may be in deep pain, expect that it will take time before you can receive forgiveness.

3. Take the blame. Pressing all the blame to your spouse will not do anything good. If your partner had an affair but you want to forget what happened, put an end to pointing fingers. If you are the guilty party, accept the responsibility and constantly reassure your partner that you will not commit the same mistake again.

4. Tell your partner what he needs to know. The healing process is much easier when the adulterous partner spouse answers all the questions requested by his or her betrayed partner.

If you have been hiding information about your personal life, now is the perfect time to share it to your spouse. Your partner will better accept you if there are no more secrets he or she needs to know.

5. Submit yourself to your spouse, without any reserve. Whether you are the betrayed partner, you have a better chance of rebuilding your relationship when you submit yourself completely and promise not to have an affair again. During the healing process, you must always be prepared to hear or listen to your partner for as long as it take.

6. Don't absolve your partner right away. While forgiveness is the only way to save your relationship, it is still must be earned and not to be given easily. Grapple with your pain first and begin to rebuild the trust. Once you have overcome the pain, forgive.

7. Seek help. Get reconnected with your relatives and close friends to help you get through the process and make you feel less isolated.

8. Do something else other than talking about the affair. Spend time with your relatives and partner and do activities you both once enjoyed.

9. Expect pain.

Surviving an affair is not very easy; it often invovles rage, pain and tears.Ready yourself to experience them all.

I have been writing articles about marriage and relationship. I have personally been through a bad experience but have managed to survive an affair.

Tags: infidelity, marriage, Relationships